


Silent Night

by CrescentDream24, Sandmann



Series: Leonard McCoy x Reader December [2]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Christmas, Established Relationship, F/M, Female Reader, Hurt/Comfort, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:28:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27796147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrescentDream24/pseuds/CrescentDream24, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandmann/pseuds/Sandmann
Summary: Reader and Leonard spend Christmas Eve separately instead of having a long-overdue talk.
Relationships: Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Reader
Series: Leonard McCoy x Reader December [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2033593
Comments: 26
Kudos: 34





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first story we have teamed up for!  
> We will post the four chapters back to back over the next four days so you’ll have something to “unwrap” every day (or can wait until all the chapters are uploaded)!  
>  _Silent night_ is a very emotional story about how important communication is in relationships.  
> We hope you enjoy reading it and would love to hear from you in the comments!  
> Happy Holidays! 
> 
> CrescentDream24 & Sandmann

Leonard McCoy sat hunched at the bar, lost in a constant loop of never-ending thoughts as he stared down the bottom of his drink.

He was faintly aware of the Christmas music playing in the background, of the garland draped across the shelving and the smattering of holiday cards tacked up behind the bar.

But he was not in the Christmas spirit. Not even a little bit.

He took a long swig of his drink, staring straight ahead at nothing at all and wondering why he was still there. 

His cellphone vibrated in his pocket. Again. 

And yet again he declined the call. 

When your name showed up on the screen for the third time that evening, he switched his phone off entirely. He thought it would make him feel better to silence your calls, but it was almost as bad as letting them go to voicemail. Maybe even worse. 

He still couldn’t believe you were considering going into space without him.

You had both moved in together a few short weeks ago. It was a small apartment--just the bare essentials, but it had a wonderful view of the city and it was in close proximity to some of the major shopping centers in the area. 

Sharing a living space together like this had definitely taken the relationship to the next level, serving to bring you two even closer to each other than before—physically and emotionally. Leonard was still getting used to being greeted by you after work with a warm hug and a smile. He’d become so accustomed to coming home to an empty apartment year after year, and he much preferred the new routine. 

For the last year now, you’d been spending most of your time at his place living out of a suitcase, so getting an apartment of your own together felt like a natural progression. And for the first time in a long time, Leonard actually felt happy and content. Things with you just seemed.... _right_. So right it almost scared him.

The moving boxes had not even been fully unpacked when a certain offer from Starfleet had been brought to your attention. This once in a lifetime offer. 

You had told him gently that you would think about the offer Starfleet had brought forth, that you wouldn’t reach a decision right away. And he let himself hope for a moment that you would somehow turn it down. That you didn’t have a need to venture out into space and explore the unknown without him. 

He had left the decision-making completely up to you, avoiding any conversation about the offer at all--about what this would mean for you, for your relationship, for your future. He was not willing to think about any of that.

Leonard downed his drink and signaled the bartender for more.

He knew he was acting selfish, and he hated himself for it. But he couldn’t help it. He was not ready to have you leave his life like that. So suddenly and with so little warning. Not talking about it seemed to make it less real. Less daunting.

He hadn’t expected to feel so strongly about this—the news wasn’t exactly out of the blue. You both were enlisted in Starfleet, and ship assignments could happen at any time, he knew that. Sure, there were certain assignments that you could request specifically, but where you ultimately landed was Starfleet’s decision alone to make.

He knew you’d probably be assigned to the _U.S.S Kelvin_ , the _Farragut_ , or even on a starbase somewhere.

But, the _Enterprise_? The most decorated ship in the fleet?

Leonard took another swig of his drink, the burning of the alcohol doing nothing to dull the roiling emotions wrestling around in his stomach. It was common knowledge that the Enterprise’s missions took place in deep space, to the farthest reaches of the cosmos where no Federation being had ever ventured before. The missions were long (usually spanning many years) and taxing, with the crew constantly facing imminent danger or even certain death. But the adventures had on board were something that most people would never get the chance to experience, and it was the reason why it was the most sought-after assignment in the entire fleet. Serving a successful mission on that ship instantly propelled the career of a crewman or woman ahead several years. It was indeed a chance of a lifetime.

When you had got the call in the middle of the living room two weeks ago that the Enterprise wanted you for its next five-year mission, Leonard felt like his heart had hit the floor. He’d wanted to rip the phone out of your hands, tell the person on the other end that they had the wrong number. Tell the entirety of Starfleet that you were only ever allowed to work in this quadrant of space. With him.

He exhaled through his teeth, raking a hand through his dark hair as he continued to listlessly stare down at the bar. The last few strains of “Silent Night” lingered in the air and it made the ache in his heart even more pronounced. He missed you. It was Christmas Eve for god’s sake. He should be out with you doing some last-minute holiday shopping, or helping you with apartment decorations before hugging you to his chest and enjoying the soft light of the Christmas tree.

Not sitting here in a dim-lit bar with a sad group of lonely patrons who had nowhere else to be.


	2. Chapter 2

You sat in your apartment alone, wrapped in blankets to fight off an evening chill. It was dark save for the soft light from the lamp in the corner, and you sighed softly as you stared out the window of your living room, catching a glimpse of a lone star in the night sky as you curled up in your chair.

You absolutely loved the view you had from up here – especially this time of year. This view usually never failed to raise your spirits, but tonight it had no effect.

The lights of the festively decorated city were twinkling in the distance and you let your gaze rest there, watching them eventually blur together as tears began to well up in your eyes.

This place had become your home – so much faster than you could ever have imagined, and it had everything to do with the man you shared this apartment with.

You loved knowing Leonard was going to come home to you after work, and eat dinner with you while telling you about his day and you yours.

You loved being able to wake up next to him every morning and get ready for the day side-by-side. You loved going to bed in the evening, knowing you would eventually find yourself in his warm embrace in the middle of the night, his arms reassuringly wrapped around you, pulling you in close.

He made you feel safe and warm, cherished and loved.

Yes, _loved._

You sighed again while you brushed away the tears that had started to run down your cheeks, not for the first time that night.  
Things with Leonard were always amazing, ever since you had started dating two years ago. It seemed so natural, being with him. Nothing was ever forced, and you couldn’t really imagine things going any better between the two of you. But ever since moving in together, you’d surprised yourself with how much closer you felt to him, and it seemed you had reached an even deeper level of trust and understanding, something you hadn’t thought was possible. Being with him felt so right and you could never have imagined any scenario in which you would even consider living a life without him, not even temporarily.   
That is, until you had received the offer to be stationed on the _Enterprise_. Professionally speaking, this was everything you had ever dreamed of, and in a life without Leonard, Starfleet would have had your acceptance letter within a heartbeat.   
But Leonard _was_ part of your life.   
You had tried to talk to him. You had wanted to get his thoughts on the matter, but all he had done was tell you brusquely that this was completely your decision and he’d support you no matter what you decided on.

And then he had left you alone with it and never talked about the offer again.

He started staying late at work - you had barely seen him over the past two weeks and it was killing you.

He was avoiding you when you needed him the most.  
It was not an easy decision to make, and you understood that Leonard was upset about the prospect of you leaving Earth, leaving him. But trying to come to a decision by yourself was making things ten times harder. 

You respected that he didn’t want to interfere with your thought process or persuade you in any way, but you weren’t able to make this decision without him. You wanted to find a solution _together_ , enter into an open conversation the way you had always done. But he shut you out completely. And it hurt.

Not that it really mattered anymore. The decision had already been made for you.

Your eyes dropped to your lap, where your hand was still clutched around the pregnancy test you’d taken that morning. It was positive.

Any hopes of going on board the _Enterprise_ , or into space at all for that matter, were completely dashed. All the agonizing you had done over the decision had been for naught.

You didn’t know how to feel anymore. So many emotions had worked their way through your body in the last twelve hours, it was a miracle you were even still awake.

When you’d finally worked up enough courage to peek at the test and its result, an overpowering sense of joy had washed over you immediately, and you couldn’t keep the smile off your face as it took your breath away. But all the wonderful emotions had quickly faded as you realized how alone you were. Leonard hadn’t come home after work that night. He was gone, and you had no idea where he was or when he was coming back. He had barely been speaking to you these past few weeks. How would he react to something like this?

It was Christmas Eve and you sat in your apartment, by yourself, when you needed him to be there for you the most.

Your chest felt hollow, and your eyes were red and puffy. You held the pregnancy test in one hand, your cellphone in the other, trying to figure out what to do and hoping against hope that he would finally call.

You tried to call him throughout the day and into the night, but he would not answer his phone. When you called for the fourth time, you did not even get his mailbox. His phone was switched off entirely.

Maybe he was trying to send you a sign, trying to show you something he wasn’t able to voice himself. He could be dissatisfied with your relationship and just wasn’t sure how to tell you. What if he was unhappy? What if all the love and comfort you’d experienced recently wasn’t being reciprocated? What if moving in with you had been too much?

You tried to silence your spinning thoughts as they continued to plunge into your worst fears but you couldn’t block them out. Leonard had never done anything like this before, he’d never gone to such an extent to avoid you. What if he wanted to break up with you?

This could not be happening. You were not ready to become a mother. You were not able to do this all on your own.

You continued to stare down into your lap as your mind clouded over with doubt, fresh tears flowing once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll be back with chapter 3 tomorrow!


	3. Chapter 3

It was almost midnight when Leonard finally managed to leave the bar. It was a beautiful night, the stars shone brightly above his head as he walked back home, but the beauty was completely lost on him.

He felt guilty for staying out so long, but he hadn’t been able to have that final conversation with you. He still wasn’t ready to face you and accept whatever choice you had made. But it was time to get home now—and he was betting that you’d already fallen asleep.   
When he entered the apartment, he found all the lights were turned off except for the Christmas tree, and a bit of the tension that had built up in his shoulders relaxed a little. You’d gone to bed.

Quietly, he stepped over to the bedroom and stood silently in the doorframe for a while, watching you sleep. Watching your chest rising and falling evenly, trying to memorize everything about you before you walked out of his life forever and onto a starship. God, he loved to watch you like this, so peaceful. So beautiful.

He sighed soundlessly, then turned around again back toward the couch in the living room.   
There was nothing he wanted more than to crawl into bed with you right now, hold you in his arms, feel your soft skin under his hands, take in your scent, bury his face in your hair, but he didn’t want to disturb your sleep. And he wasn’t sure if you wanted to have him close after he had ghosted you all night.

It was just as well. He was still pretty buzzed from the drinks he’d had back at the bar and might need to use the bathroom a time or two during the night anyway. 

He slipped off his jacket and piled some pillows toward one end of the couch, pulling the lone afghan over himself as he tried not to look at the cheerfully glowing Christmas tree in the corner, serving as a reminder that he’d left you to spend this Christmas Eve all alone. 

****************************************************

Because you still hadn’t heard from Leonard that night, you called the hospital before you went to bed but they told you he’d left right after his shift ended that day.

You had kept waiting, wondering and worrying about where Leonard was spending Christmas Eve and when he was finally going to come home. Finally, just before midnight, you finally gave in to your exhaustion and headed for the bedroom.

The day already felt like it had lasted for half a lifetime and your head was throbbing from all the crying. You took a deep breath and tried to calm yourself as you got ready for bed, still hoping the door would open and Leonard would finally be home and all would be okay.

But he never came.   
Eventually, you managed to fall asleep despite the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions that were churning around inside you, threatening to spill over at any moment.

When you suddenly awoke in the early morning hours of Christmas Day, you felt absolutely sick to your stomach. You huffed in annoyance as you clutched at your pillow. Naturally – you _were_ pregnant after all, so you knew where this unexplained nausea was coming from, but it didn’t make it any less bothersome. For a brief moment, you idly wondered if not taking the test and saving yourself from the knowledge of the pregnancy would have prevented you from experiencing the morning sickness. Probably not.

You rolled to your side with a groan and your heart fell when you found that the mattress next to you was still empty and cold. You took in a deep breath, trying to fight back the nausea that kept getting stronger every passing minute now that you were awake.

Leonard had _still_ not come home.

Your stomach clenched hard and you bolted out of your bed, into the small ensuite bathroom just in time to heave into the toilet.

You knelt on the cold tile floor after you were done, hugging the toilet seat and feeling fresh tears welling in your eyes yet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll be back with the last chapter tomorrow!


	4. Chapter 4

From his makeshift bed on the couch, Leonard had stared at the half-decorated Christmas tree in the corner of the living room for quite a while, the guilt of not having spent the evening with you continuously growing and preventing him from falling asleep.

Eventually though, he had managed to doze off into a light sleep shortly before something woke him up again.

It took him a moment to realize what it was, but then he heard it clearly.

There were sobs coming from your shared bedroom.

Worried, he hurriedly tossed off the afghan and crossed the living room to check on you.

He was confused for a moment when he didn’t find you in your bed – until he saw the door to your small ensuite bathroom standing slightly ajar.

He moved closer as he carefully nudged the door open even farther, and he felt his heart break immediately at the sight of you crouched on the floor.

In the dim morning light that shone through the bathroom window, he could see your arms firmly wrapped around your knees, your head resting on your arms, and your body shaking from your sobs as you leaned your back against the wall.

  
Something was wrong, very wrong. You were clearly struggling with something and he hadn’t been there for you. He had spent Christmas Eve at a damn bar, drowning in his own self-pity instead of being here.  
He was at your side in a heartbeat, and felt you jump in surprise under the touch of his hand on your shoulder.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” His voice was soft and shrouded in worry. You looked up at him with red swollen eyes, and he scanned your face for any signs that could indicate what had you so worked up this early in the morning.

“Are you hurt?”

You shook your head, then felt the back of his hand touch your forehead as he checked for a fever.

When his hand moved to your cheek, you instinctively leaned into him and closed your eyes. You needed him to be with you so badly right now, but you were scared of what he was about to tell you. You couldn’t deal with any of this on your own. You could not have a baby without him by your side. _His_ baby.

A fresh pool of tears made their way down your cheeks unchecked as you bit back another sob with a shaky breath.

“Hey,” Leonard’s voice was gentle and you felt his thumb brushing away your tears. “Wanna tell me what’s goin’ on, darlin’?”

You opened your eyes and shook your head again, deliberately not looking at him. When you finally spoke, your voice sounded rough and wet with tears.

“It doesn’t matter.”

Another wave of nausea hit you then and you jolted from your spot on the floor, turning to the toilet and emptying the contents of your stomach as you felt his reassuring hand at your back.

“It’s alright, it’s okay honey. You let it all out.” He kept encouraging you with soothing words as your stomach continued to twist and your head throbbed as the nausea finally abated.

You sunk back down to the floor, wiping your mouth with a towel that Leonard handed you as you tried to compose yourself.

“How long have you been sick?” He asked as he got up to pour you a glass of water from the sink.

“Just when I got up half an hour ago. Thought I could keep it down but I couldn’t.” You accepted the glass and gulped back the water, deciding that you had to tell him what was going on. He had a right to know. You just weren’t sure you were ready for his reaction.

He sat back down on the cold tile floor beside you, eyeing your face with concern.

“I should take your temperature. Maybe you’re comin’ down with the flu.”

He was about to get up again but you put a hand on his arm to stop him.

“No, it’s not that.” You took a breath and blew it out slowly as you tried to work up the courage to tell him the truth. You could smell the liquor on his breath and knew he must have been out at a bar somewhere. But he was here now. That had to mean something, at least.

“Leonard, I......I have to tell you something.”

He sucked in his breath, fearing the worst. Fearing that you were about to tell him that it was over, that you had chosen to go into deep space. That you were done with him.

You blinked back tears that threatened to fall yet again, leaning your head back against the wall. Leonard sensed that you were struggling hard with whatever was on your mind and laid a reassuring hand to your knee as you tried to continue.

“It’s hard to say...I don’t know exactly how to tell you.”

He rubbed his hand back and forth across your knee, trying to keep himself steady.

“It’s okay, hun. Tell me whatever it is, I can handle it.”

You took one last breath and closed your eyes, not wanting to see his face fall in disappointment when he heard the life-altering news.

“I’m.....I’m pregnant, Leonard.”

His hand stopped, and he was silent for longer than you were expecting. Finally, you dared to open your eyes.

His lips were parted ever so slightly in bewilderment, his dark hazel eyes trained on you intently as he raised an eyebrow. “You’re.....you’re what?”

You blinked, wiping away a stray tear. “I’m pregnant.”

“A-are you sure?”

“Yes. I took a test yesterday. And I’ve been nauseous all week.” You looked down at the tiled floor, waiting for him to say how unexpected this was, how this was all too much for him. Waiting for him to leave you again.

Suddenly, his hands were at either side of your face, gently tilting your head up to look at him. You were shocked to see his own eyes brimming with tears to match yours.

“Are you sayin’ I’m gonna be a father?”

All you could do was nod and his arms engulfed you completely, pulling you to his chest and squeezing you so tight you could barely breathe. You felt his chin rest at the top of your head and his chest rumble as he laughed out in disbelief.

Your eyes widened in surprise. “I thought this would upset you.” You didn’t expect this reaction at all.

He pulled back and looked at you with brows furrowed, grasping your shoulders tightly. “Why in the wide world would you think that?”

“Well....you didn’t answer any of my calls. You didn’t come home until past midnight. I thought......well, I thought you were going to break up with me!” More tears fell and you couldn’t stop them.

He pulled you back into his arms, burying his face into your hair as he rubbed your back.

“I’m so sorry, darlin’. So sorry. I was bein’ a damn fool. I was so scared that you were gonna leave me to go to space I figured avoidin’ you would somehow make me feel better.”

Your heart clenched at his confession. He was so concerned that you were leaving him that he had tried to avoid the whole situation in the first place.

“Why didn’t you tell me how you felt? I wanted to talk all this over with you. It doesn’t even matter anymore because I’m pregnant. They don’t let pregnant women go up into space!”

He pulled away slightly with a chuckle. “I guess they don’t, do they?”

Your eyes softened and you placed a hand on his arm. “You know I was never going to go into space without you, right? I could never leave you like that. I guess deep down I always knew my decision would be to stay...but finding out I was pregnant just made it so much clearer.”

He swallowed and nodded. “I should have tried to talk to you, Y/N. There was no sense in me leavin’ you alone to struggle through it on your own. And I never will again.”

His eyes locked on yours as his thumbs traced light circles across your shoulders.

“Can you forgive me, sweetheart?” His look was so pitiful that you forgave him on the spot.

“Of course!” you sniffed. “Of course I’ll forgive you. I’m just so glad you’re home!” Tears continued to pour down your cheeks and you could hardly form words anymore.

“Honey, what’s wrong now?” He tried to brush the tears away again.

You shook your head. “It’s okay, it’s okay. These....these are happy tears.”

He bent his head down and captured your lips with his in a tender kiss. You kissed him back with all you had—all the relief that he was here to stay pouring out of you.

He finally pulled away a bit, touching his forehead to yours. “I love you, Y/N. Don’t you forget it.”

You grinned as your tears had finally stopped. “I love you, too. More than anything that space could ever offer me.” 

He laughed and brought you into his lap, wrapping both arms around you securely. You laid your head back against his chest in contentment, still in disbelief that things had worked out so perfectly.

You felt his warm hands rest on your belly and you tilted your head up to smile back at him.

His voice was thick with emotion. “We’re gonna have a baby, you know that?”

You nodded and rested both of your hands over his own. “I know. I can’t believe it.”

Suddenly, it dawned on you what day it was. “Hey, guess what! It’s Christmas right now!”

He chuckled and you intertwined your fingers with his as he dipped his mouth to your ear. “Merry Christmas, sweetheart. You’ve given me the best present I could have ever asked for.”

END 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that was the last chapter.  
> We hope you enjoyed reading this story and you are getting into the holiday spirit!  
> As always: we'd love to hear your thoughts on our work in the comments!
> 
> There will be a new story starting tomorrow! So make sure to come back to this series.


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